The Natiq Chronicle

As an artist, I guess it is assumed that I will be moody, eccentric, strange… so many different titles (most of them negative in many ways). But I also think that artists are often romanticized at the same time. I think that many ideas about artists are fantasy and in no way reflect reality (case in point, I’ve never met an artist like the one in Titanic). However, there are some things that are invariably true of us. We do have a hard time escaping our passions, it seems. That part is true. We all seem to view the world in a way the most “regular people” find peculiar, to say the least. Mind you, I am talking about those I consider to be true artist, meaning people who feel that even if they made not a single penny from their craft, they could not exist in this world or any other without the art they create.

There are countless people who can draw or paint or sculpt… anyone can learn to do these things at any local art class or workshop. I do not believe that technical skills make an artist. Artists tend to bring a certain intensity to their work that can’t be taught in a classroom. It is more than just color theory and perspective and proportions and composition. There is a certain life that true artists breathe into their work. There are pieces out there that I absolutely hate, but know that they were created by a true artist, because despite the repugnant nature of their work, I was still forced to feel something that was beyond me. Please keep these things in mind whenever you hear me use the term, “artist.”

I often find that people are drawn to me strongly when they first meet me, even without knowing anything about me. When I later ask them about what the attraction was, they make comments like, “I don’t know… there was just something about you. I just couldn’t look away.” Mind you, I don’t consider myself to be an extremely attractive man by any means… I think there is something else that attracts people to me. When pressed to elaborate on the attraction, they use words like, “intensity, power, sexiness, sensual, deep, surreal”… they really seem more drawn to me than attracted. Many woman have “fallen in love with me” surrounding those word. Funny thing is, they “fall out of love” for the exact same reasons. At the end of the day, those words are only accurate because of my love for my art. Without my art, those words no longer apply. And since almost 100% of the people I’ve been with have become jealous of my art, or jealous of some aspect of my life that pertains to the production and sales of my art, that poses a problem, don’t you think. In the end, they hate me, whereas in the beginning, they “loved” me. I almost want to apologize for not being the guy Leonardo DiCaprio played as in Titanic… I could never paint the same person over and over and over until I died, no matter how beautiful they were. I am just not wired that way.

I don’t want you to get the impression that I blame the people who have pursued me for this. As it has been pointed out to me on many occasions, there must be something that I do that makes people react to me. As for what it is, I haven’t completely come to a decisive conclusion on what it could be. I actually wish I did know, so that I won’t hurt anyone and no one will hurt me. Though it is a lonely existence to feel that just being yourself is something hurtful to others, I don’t exactly know how to remedy that without doing irreparable damage to my self. “Why not just put down my paintbrushes and do something else,” you ask? Please see my definition of artist above. That’s like trying to make a conscious decision to not be black,, or human… I really cannot fathom life without my craft. I tried to stop for someone else’s sake before and ended up in the grips of severe depression. I couldn’t function. It was like trying to live without air.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I can’t be anyone other than who I am. I will no longer try to pretend otherwise. I won’t apologize to anyone for being me. For anyone who tries to get close to me, do so at your own risk. I won’t try to hurt you, but if you do get hurt, just know that it wasn’t my intention. Here is to my new beginning… the beginning of me being me. And to those who’ve fallen and I've had to leave behind… to those who I’ve had to walk away from… yes, I heard you crying… Yes, I heard what you were saying… Yes, I know exactly how it feels… and that is precisely why I am walking away and never looking back. Its over on a level that you may not want to comprehend yet, but hopefully, you will one day see that this is best. Hate me if you want, but I can’t do anything else. You were never in love with me to begin with… only obsessed. So here’s to long overdue partings. We never should have been in the first place. I know this may seem cold to you, but believe me when I say that the coldest thing I could do is to continue on like we were. I am not sadistic enough, nor am I masochistic enough to stay with you.

All melancholia aside… here are some of my recent pieces. Feel free to comment on them, if you so please. You can comment on me also. There’s very little I haven’t heard yet. I can take it.

This is the Logo I designed for Darkholme’s Paradise:

This is Melancholy from Darkholme’s Paradise: